


running from your problems

by wires



Category: Persona 5
Genre: M/M, ryuji has bad coping mechanisms: the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-25 11:05:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16196264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wires/pseuds/wires
Summary: This is probably the shittiest possible way for him to distract himself from a crush. In the back of his mind, he knows that. But if he keeps running, if he keeps turning his thoughts from his really way-too-handsome best friend to breath regulation, he can just keep pretending that his thoughts are totally platonic. He definitely doesn't care about Akira romantically, he's definitely not nursing a crush, what are you talking about mom he's just a friend -





	running from your problems

**Author's Note:**

> heyoo so i started p5 like 10 months ago and ive been loving and supporting my sunshine boy since then, but now that ive actually finished the game i finally got motivated to actually write pegoryu! astounding i know. anyway, i've been thinking about how ryuji probably hasn't actually developed any healthy coping mechanisms at all so im projecting my own shitty coping mechs on to him. why? idk dude. idk.
> 
> also this is pegoryu but its more ryuji centric and no actual pegoryu content happens other than ryuji thinking about having a crush so. yeah. really i just needed to get these words out of my brain and hopefully somebody likes them?
> 
> (i may have written this purely to use this shitty title s h h h)

Logically, Ryuji knows he can't actually run away from his problems. They'll keep following him, shadows stretching a meter or two behind him, until he's willing to look back and actually acknowledge that they're there. He knows, deep down, that he can't run away forever, but that certainly hasn't stopped him from tying on his old track sneakers at two o'clock on a Sunday morning and sprinting, stop-and-go, for...an hour? Two hours? Three? He's not sure at this point how long it's been. All he knows is that he can feel his heart beating in his head, thrumming against his skull, and his lungs are in absolute agony.

Ryuji knows that running is a pretty damn shitty coping mechanism. He's known it ever since he tried to dodge his father's drunk wrath as an elementary schooler. (His father may have sucked, but finding out he had a talent for track made Ryuji's adjustment to a single-parent household a hell of a lot easier.) Even when he couldn't physically run away, with his leg in a cast and all of Shujin whispering and staring behind his back for months, he cut himself off from all the friends he did have left. At least that way he couldn't mess anything else up, right?

He sighs, coughing a bit before managing to bring his breath back into a steady rhythm. He knows running away won't fix anything, but he also knows that, at the very least, he can't mess anything else up this way. Sure, running away can't fix your problems, but it certainly can't make them any worse. If something is broken and you know you can't fix it, might as well get the hell out before you have a chance to ruin anything else.

Well, he used to think that way. He tries not to now, at least about most things. Or, well, he's working on trying. It's an ongoing process. It might have taken almost a year to admit it to himself, but Ryuji is trying to live freely now. And living with freedom, he's realized, means you can't keep carrying all your baggage with you without dropping some off to lighten the load. Ryuji might be resistant to actually dropping his burdens, but at least he can acknowledge that it's something he does. Though running away isn't always bad - plenty of tough fights in the Metaverse before Akira figured out how to snap his fingers and instantly escape.

And oh god, he's thinking about it again, not now, not now  _not now not now_. He's willing to confront everything else, but not this, absolutely not this, he can't think about  _this_. Almost unconsciously Ryuji starts running again, a light jog quickly settling into a pace that would make the best track stars in Japan proud and then frightened. His thoughts disappear, replaced by the rapid rise and fall of his chest and the echo of his running shoes against the asphalt of the empty streets. This is probably the shittiest possible way for him to distract himself from a crush. In the back of his mind, he knows that. But if he keeps running, if he keeps turning his thoughts from his really way-too-handsome best friend to breath regulation, he can just keep pretending that his thoughts are totally platonic. He definitely doesn't care about Akira romantically, he's definitely not nursing a crush,  _what are you talking about mom he's just a friend_  -

Fireworks erupt in his leg and Ryuji screeches to a halt. He gasps, partly in pain and partly because he's been running as fast as he humanly could for the last twenty minutes and his brain is starting to fail from oxygen deprivation. For a short while, he can't even think anything coherent, but as soon as he can, his brain conveniently reminds him of the time after school that first left him reconsidering just how straight he was.

_"Bein' free is like.....it's like how I feel when I'm talking to you, man." He grins, a bit nervous for no reason he can discern in the moment, and Akira just tilts his head a bit, glasses lilting a bit to the side. Why does he even keep wearing those glasses, anyway? They only get in the way while they're training._

_"in the way of what?" and, ah shit, he said that out loud._

_"Man, I dunno. Your eyes? Like - don't look at me like that - I can't see if you're actually focused when you have those big-ass sheets of glass coverin' em."_

_That just earns him one of Akira's patented snarky asshole smirks, and he flushes a bit in embarassment._

_"Look, dude, I'm not good with my words. Can we just get back to trainin'? Madarame ain't gonna turn himself in, yknow."_

_"Sure, sure," but Akira keeps grinning, and oh, shit, this might be something more than just a friendship kind of fondness.  
  
_

Ryuji sighs. Fine. He can't physically run away from it any more. Clearly, that's not working. He's just going to have to run away from this by constantly pushing his not-so-platonic thoughts out of his mind. He'll sleep, join his mom at breakfast, and go on a marathon video gaming session. He can't think about holding Akira's hand if he's fighting wave after wave of enemies.  _At least I sure effin' hope I can't_ , he sighs.

But, of course, that all goes out the window once he gets home and checks his texts.

**Author's Note:**

> i might write a ch 2 for this if im motivated enough but rip ryuji


End file.
